people say she’s crazy…

okay. so i just wrote this once and i accidentally deleted it because apparently when you cursor from the bottom of this little entry window to the top while holding the shift key down in order to copy what you’ve written so you DON’T delete it, it deletes itself when you get to the top. isnt’ that cute?

anyway. i’m going to try to re-create what i had before and it isn’t going to be half as good, but bear with me.

step one: a lot of amazing shit has happened this year. there has been so much good, not the least of which was the amazing cast H2$ managed to get today. i’m incredibly thrilled.

but.

i’m just pissed off, because i feel like we are in such a phase of fucktardation. people who live, work, spend time, and generally like to be together are all working for common purposes, right? get something done (maybe), have some fun, do things well, and be happy, and i feel like there are some things that we can all stand to be reminded of to keep that happening. or to make that happen the way it once did before everyone fucked it up. my disclaimer here is that i am hugely guilty of all of the following things. this is not a “i am better than everyone because–” but a “you should think about these things because they are all so simple that we forget them and fuck them up more than we should,” kind of thing. and i have the feeling the f word is going to show up more often here than in the other version that i accidentally deleted. anyway. here goes nothing:

1) everyone needs to learn how not to take everything personally. when you’re incapable of taking criticism or hearing opinions on something you’ve produced, as intangible as a color preference or a business plan or as tangible as a piece of art or a bowl of spaghetti, you’re just shutting yourself off from improvement. applicable cliches include: two heads are better than one. chances are, you’re too busy being offended to even realize that someone might be trying to help you. this brings me to…

2) everyone needs to learn how to listen. we just love playing defense. when you’re talking to someone and they’re telling you their opinion, there’s a good chance you’re coming up with the next way to pitch your own plan so maybe this moron will give up his/her crackpot idea. while you’re doing this, the person whose talking’s words are going (applicable cliche here) in one ear and out the other. so not only are you just revving up to make a fool out of yourself for not understanding their opinion (because clearly you couldn’t have heard it since you were so busy whipping out your next defensive play), but you could be wasting huge amounts of time. because–particularly in a group setting–there’s a good chance the person who’s talking right now while you’re thinking of the next thing you’re going to say is saying some version of what you want to say. if you were listening, you wouldn’t have to repeat him/her. and s/he wouldn’t feel like you were stepping on his/her toes when you start talking just as s/he doesn’t quite finish that last sentence because you’re so busy trying to be the next person to talk.

3) everyone needs to learn how to see the big picture. i forget this one a lot. everyone forgets this one. maybe it just takes an existential comedy to remind me of it, but hello, we are so fucking lost in our little minds. though “the blanket” of the universe where everything is actually the same is great, theoretically, it actually doesn’t so much work on a day to day basis in a world where things have to get accomplished. so for that, just take your corner of the blanket: your work, your family, your friends, your group of whatevers, your clusterfuck, one might say. your goals are probably to accomplish something, enjoy yourselves in the process, feel rewarded, and be able do it again when it works. you want to be needed and happy as an individual, and you want your group to be needed and happy as a group. when you shove off the big picture and only focus on your own happiness (whatever that means for you), you isolate your friends, you make them unhappy, and you lose them. when you lose them, chances are you’re unhappy. when you’re unhappy and suddenly friendless, you’ve got nothing but yourself to make yourself happy. in this functional environment in which we live, where none of us are buddhist monks or anything, this is hugely impossible. you can’t work with people, live with people, spend time with people you’ve isolated yourself from and convince yourself you’re happy because you’re obviously doing such a good job without needing them to make you happy. yeah, good luck. that’ll last. of course, you wouldn’t have this problem if you could assess yourself, and honestly.

4) everyone needs to learn how to assess him/herself, and honestly. largely because i don’t have time to do it. joke, hahaha. my mom doesn’t either, so don’t try that route. also a joke, hahaha. but seriously. think about it. for a generation of bright, eager, put-together, socially aware people, we are such fucktards about ourselves. if you can tell me what the point–the real, big, life-altering point–is of being the smartest, the skinniest, the funniest, the fastest, the most talented, the most extreme, the most alterna, the most self-deprecating, the most fashionable, the busiest, the meanest, the most in control is, i will bear your children. “to make us feel better about what we think is “wrong” about us” does not count, fyi. neither does our culture/society (see “why they hate us”). because seriously? i mean seeeriously, what’s your excuse? i know mine’s option a, but at least i don’t lie to myself about it. this of course does not mean that you shouldn’t excel at what you excel at–by all means, be so proficient that autumn will want to sleep with you. but understand that we sacrifice so much of our happiness to these wholly relative and worthless comparisons to one another just because we feel like we have to show each other up. wtf, mate? it’s such a huge waste of time–none of it is a race: not your life, not your relationships, nothing. the people who love you love you when you’re not any of the above. if they don’t, they aren’t who you thought they were, and that happens and it blows. if you’d grow/find some self-worth, you’d figure that out. you have to be honest with yourself. you have to see why you do the things you do and learn from yourself. it’s so simple, and we just don’t do it.

so, in review (because there WILL be a quiz):

~ chill out, it’s not you (which makes me think geez we are so selfish. of course we take everything personally when we’re so focused on ourselves.)

~ shut up and tune in (elementary school? hand goes up mouth goes shut? what?)

~ step back and see it all, see what everyone wants and needs, see how small and stupid you are

~ look at yourselves. MENTALLY. don’t give me any of this mirror shit.

and of course, to close with a reiteration of my disclaimer… pretty much everywhere i’ve said “you” i could have said “i.” but we all need this reminder.